So I was just on a website that was giving helpful tips to solve writers block. It suggested free writing, where you just write and write and write and don’t stop until something comes out. Don’t edit your writing, it’ll be a lot of garbage but apparently eventually something will come out.
So here I am, free writing. Watching the fifth element, trying to find something or someone to inspire me to write something fantastic, something grand. This is a really great movie, remember when Bruce Willis used to be good looking? I remember. He didn’t age well, but thats okay. I don’t remember the last time I watched this but it’s definitely one of my favourites. Maybe I should turn it off? Will that help my ability to write with inspiration? Or maybe I just put too much pressure on myself to think of something profound to say, when I should just relax and let it come naturally. That’s a reoccurring problem of mine, I tend to have a hard time letting go of control. I never really learned how to go with the flow and see where things take me.
So the blanket that is on me is really soft and plush. It’s white. What a terrible colour for a blanket! I’m probably only going to get about a months use out of it before it becomes really disheveled and no longer soft. I think disheveled is a word to only describe people and not inanimate objects. Oh well. I think maybe I should carry a pocket dictionary around to make sure I don’t sound profoundly uneducated when I write.
Do you know what I hate? When my hand are really dry. What an awful feeling! It always happens after I wash the dishes. I try and buy soap that is easy on the hands but I always end up with alligator hands afterwards. I want to put lotion on them but I can’t stop writing! Or I’ll defeat the purpose of free writing. La la la la. Should I be doing this with a pen? I feel like I’m betraying the lost art of writing when I write on a keyboard. Just doesn’t seem as natural does it? I feel like that kind of translates to our connection with people. We’re awfully distant. There are people who are trying to bring back the lost art of letter writing. I think that’s beautiful. When is the last time you wrote a letter to someone? I don’t even like taking phone calls anymore cause it requires on the spot thinking for an interaction with someone. How horrible is that! I feel like I should put greater effort into face to face interaction with people. We’re loosing touch people! How do we get back to our roots? In lots of cultures around the world they’re really connected with nature, and their family. There seems to be a great understanding of the role that nature plays in the great energy exchange of life. This understanding seems to be lost on western culture. We’re so distant, so separate. Why do we want to be so separate from each other?
I suppose I can’t speak much to that. I spend most days itching to get home cause I find being out and interacting with people is terribly exhausting. Is that awful? But usually people just need something from you. No one really listens, no one is really interested in what you have to say. To quote a wonderful movie:
“When people think you’re dying they really listen to you, instead of waiting for their turn to speak.”
Twenty bucks to whoever picks out that line first. Oh who am I kidding? No one reads this blog! I think two people do. Well – to those two people that take the time to read my musings and my rambling thoughts in my head – thank you. I really just need a place where I can anonymously carry on without people knowing who I am or what I do. Which is not much of anything by the way.
I got SO sad last night watching the theory of everything. By the way: Great movie. Watch it. But anyway, I got so sad. This profound sadness I have appears out of nowhere and just overwhelms my emotional faculties. I started tearing up because I really don’t think I contribute much to the world, or my community. I really don’t have a hobby, purpose or even a talent. I never stick with anything long enough to get really good at it. Y’know? I have no patience, more of a jack of all trades, but not even really good at any of those trades, so to speak.
So I cried. Then I felt bad for crying over something to trivial when there are bigger problems. Worse things have happened to better people, I remind myself. Then I switch. Why should I feel bad? The realm of experiences that I have is independent of experiences other people have. Although I try and compare myself to other people thinking “Don’t be sad, some people don’t have clean water”, it’s a world away from my experience, and I can’t understand it. Does that make me responsible for it?
Ah. How do you pick your cause that you fight for on a daily basis? From the world food problem, to rampant disease, to the world energy crisis. My country (Canada) is run by a monkey, but no one votes. We’re destroying the ecosystem for our own temporary gain. What are we going to leave our little ones when we pass on? Nothing? We don’t understand that we’re part of a vital system, that we can’t just take and take. You’re a part of something, you’re sharing this place with billions of people. You are not independent, and you are not special. We ought to treat this world with a great amount of respect for it’s the only one we have.
Did you know that SPACE GARBAGE is an issue now? From all the missions that we’ve taken into space and we’ve just thrown our garbage out there. How awful. We’re filling our ocean and our galaxy with TRASH. It makes me so sad. And then I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and I feel powerless in my inability to fix anything. Then I get sad, and have to free write cause I have serious writers block and can’t think of anything to write about, because in the end it’s futile and not worth anything. Don’t think like that! But I can’t help it sometimes. Who said that everything in your life is meaningless, but it’s important that you do it? Someone has always said it better, but then again someone has always said it worse.
Don’t be sad. Don’t be sad. There’s enough sadness in the world. It’s a sad, angry place. Try to find beauty, or if that’s too far, try to find contentment. Try to find a reason to be a peace with how things are, and be a part of what you can do, your small part in making the world a better place. Start small, but try not to get bogged down with the negative thoughts. I have lots of them. Want to hear? No. I won’t trouble you. I’m sure the same thoughts roll around in your head too.
Be neutral. Someone once told me that. There’s too much pressure to be happy all the time. Accept the moments where happiness isn’t feasible and sit and appreciate the sadness. It makes you a well rounded person. But, wipe the tears off your face, regardless of how hard. Take a deep breath (see my other post for the importance of breath!), stand up and carry on. You’ll continue to carry the weight of your insecurities and secret sadness, but it’s important that you find a place of peace, a place of contentment in order to live day to day without suffocating.
How do you find contentment?