Falleció

Jack flipped the car into park and craned his neck up at the building in front of them. All of the houses on this street were a similar pastel colour – did she say yellow or blue? “Is this it?” he motioned toward Amy at the yellow house. “I forgot what colour she said the house was and those house numbers are tiny.” “Only one way to find out,” Amy sighed, “let’s just head up and see if Laura’s home.” The walk up to the house was long. Jack lifted his heavy feet up the steps toward the front door. Jack and Amy found themselves on the front doorstep, shoulders side by side. They both inhaled a long, deep breath, and simultaneously knocked on the door. Knock. Knock. Knock. The door slowly opened, bleary eyed, Laura collapsed on the front step. wpid-photo-20150323193545609


145 words. This is a response to Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers, lovingly hosted by Priceless Joy.

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23 thoughts on “Falleció

  1. It sounds like Laura was anxiously waiting for Jack and Amy to show up and when they finally did she collapsed in relief. Like the others, I would love to know why. Excellent story and writing!

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  2. Very intriguing! Just some suggestions – you don’t need ‘at the same time’ when you’re talking about Jack and Amy knocking on the door as you’ve already got ‘simultaneously’. Also, I’d put a full stop after “The door opened”. Bleary eyed, Laura collapsed on the front step. Or perhaps- Laura, bleary eyed, collapsed on the front step.

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  3. M, I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you how pleased I am that you are participating in the weekly FFfAW challenges and become part of the unique writing group. I love reading your stories and you bring an interesting ingredient to our mix of writers. Thank you! I hope you will continue and I look forward to reading your future stories. ((Hugs)) PJ

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  4. Falleció as a title, huh. And Laura collapsed, bleary-eyed. Who or what killed her?? Why are Amy and Jake here? Maybe Laura had called them to come over, but they didn’t know how much of an emergency it was. So many questions ripe for the picking. Thanks for intriguing me.

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